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The Very Hungry Marathoner

Tuesday, April 21st, 2015

The Very Hungry Marathoner

In the light of the moon, a little marathoner lay on a bed.

One Sunday morning the warm sun came up and – POP! – out of the bed came a skinny, and very hungry marathoner.

He started looking for some nice food.

But he was fat-loading.

On Monday he ate through one avocado, but he was still hungry.

On Tuesday he ate through two slabs of Blacksticks Blue, but he was still hungry.

On Wednesday he ate through three smoked mackerel fillets, but he was still hungry.

On Thursday he ate through four bowls of olives, but he was still hungry.

On Friday he ate through five garlic roule-smeared lettuce leaves, but he was still hungry.

On Saturday he ate through one Mary Berry’s Caesar Salad Dressing, one sirloin steak, one pack of streaky bacon, one slice of Stilton, one slice of salami, one bowl of full fat Greek yogurt, one slab of Feta cheese, one pack of cherry tomatoes, and one pack of roasted pistachios.

That night he had a stomachache.

The next day was Sunday again.

The marathoner ate through one bowl of pasta, and after that he felt much better.

He built a small house, called a cocoon, around himself. He stayed inside for a week and ate only bagels. Then he nibbled a hole in the cocoon, pushed his way out and…

He was a beautiful butterfly. Ready to climb the great Suburban Everest.

Eric Carle would probably be scratching his head at this point. Artistic licence.

Since we last spoke, I’ve been tapering. Two weeks. Fat-loading for the past nine days and caffeine-fasting for the past seven.

It’s been challenging, to say the least. I’ve written on this topic before, and this is a short post, so I’m not going to go into the details.

First time...lovely. Eighteenth time in nine days...awful.

First time…lovely. Eighteenth time in nine days…awful.

If any runner wants to try fat-loading, get in touch with me. I am more than happy to chat through the theory and practice.

Bottom line though is the two together give you a performance benefit. Not to be sneezed at (and neither is avoiding a cold during the 10-day fat-loading phase).

Which brings me to my last point.

Which is.

Good luck to all my friends running the London Marathon this Sunday. Anyone who trains for a marathon has my utmost respect. And London is the bee’s knees. THE most amazing experience.

So whether you’re going for a sub-2:40, running to raise money for a cause dear to you, or even running from Glasgow to London in four days then doing The London, “you da man/woman.”

And good luck to all you Highland Flingers too – two marathons, back to back, up hill and down dale, also this weekend!

Right, only 24 hours to go then I switch to getting 70 per cent of my daily calories from carbohydrates for three days. During which time, I will mostly be eating Soreen malt loaf and plain bagels.

This was a beautiful meal.

This was a beautiful meal.

Photo credit: gailhampshire / Foter / CC BY